Taboo Attack!
by jacee2u
Summary: Book 7 showed why people were supposedly scared of the Dark Lord's name. Why didn't the OotP and others turn it on it's ear? Here's what could have happened if it did. NOTE: This is a cooperative work of several authors.
1. Chapter 1

This came out of a bit of work combining back the messages of a thread in Yahoo's Caer Azkaban group. I have tried to give credit to all who participated.

The posts are totally unedited (each person's responsible for their own spelling and grammar mistakes), and I have added only the names to the top of each post as I came across them. Most of them, you will probably have read one of their fics somewhere on here or on a different site written by them. They are as gifted a set of writers as it has ever been my pleasure to correspond with.

If I missed any of the posts, I sincerely apologize. Let me know and I'll put it in a different chapter. Actually, if anyone else has an idea that works well with this, PM me and I'll add it in. I've got a couple of other ideas along this line that will go into later chapters; just not put the fingers to the keyboard on them yet.

Thanks for reading, and note: If you want to borrow one of my PERSONAL ideas listed here, go ahead but let me know where I can read the result. If you decide to borrow one from someone else, that's between you and them. I can't speak for anyone else on it.

JaCee

Disclaimer: None of the characters below are mine, nor (I firmly believe) are they anyone else's that contributed to this fic.

I started the whole mess off with the following post:

I had an idea on the way to work the other day... The Taboo that had  
been set up on Voldemort's name? Why not make that work for you. I  
can see several ways, just to mix it up a bit.

"Okay. We know that a Deez team will show up when we mention shit-  
head's name... Now, let's have some fun and see about the most  
creative way to show our... displeasure with them."

Remus Lupin apperates out to the Ferris' Folly, the beginnings of an  
oil derrick off the coast of Cardiff and begins summoning sharks.  
When he gets a dozen of them swimming around, he chums the waters for  
a few minutes, driving them to frenzy before shouting, "VOLDEMORT!  
VOLDEMORT! VOLDEMORT!" And y'all thought being bit by a werewolf was  
bad. Wait'll you get bit by a Marauder!

Fred & George step carefully out to the center of a dozen Instant  
Swamps, Mk. II (with Alligators and quicksand). "VOLDEMORT!  
VOLDEMORT! VOLDEMORT!" Now there's a greater pair of operators in the  
Swamp than Wally.

Charlie stands in the middle of a field of sleeping dragons, throws  
several stinging hexes about, shouts "VOLDEMORT! VOLDEMORT!  
VOLDEMORT!" and disappears as the dragons awaken, grouchy and hungry  
for a roasted breakfast. Beware of dragons, for you are crunchy and  
taste good with ketchup.

Bill Weasley stands in the middle of the nastiest sets of traps he  
could build, which was saying quite a bit, considering he survived  
Egypt, Peru, and China. "VOLDEMORT! VOLDEMORT! VOLDEMORT!" May you  
live in interesting times, indeed. One thing was sure. It beat dying  
in interesting times!

Rubeus Hagrid stood in the midst of the Acromantula Nest. He was the  
only person they respected, now that Aragog was gone. "TOMMY, YA LIL'  
BAST'D! SEND YER EFF'IN BUTT BOYS TO ME! VOLDEMORT! VOLDEMORT!  
VOLDEMORT!" It was a just punishment for blaming Aragog, the half-  
giant thought.

Luna Lovegood hated what she was about to do, but it couldn't be  
helped. She had gotten Artemis the Squid and the Merfolk to leave  
the lake, but she couldn't help the grindylows or the plimpies. She  
began chanting. Slowly but surely, the contents of the lake changed  
from icy cold water to icy cold acid. The boat got her to her  
favorite island just shortly before it disintegrated. "VOLDEMORT!  
VOLDEMORT! VOLDEMORT!" The screams were quite satisfying as she  
thought of what these people had done to her father.

Neville Longbottom stood between the two caged Venomous Tenataculae  
in Greenhouse 6. It had taken quite some time to figure out the  
hidden passage to the Shrieking Shack passed directly below him, and  
even longer to dig out his escape tunnel and hide it from everyone  
else. Now he was ready. "VOLDEMORT! VOLDEMORT! VOLDEMORT!" Neville  
screamed as he dropped down to the tunnel below. The automatic trap  
door worked perfectly, allowing him to pass through and opening the  
cages at the same time. The next dozen or so people to open the door  
to the Greenhouse would never know what hit them...

Anybody else care to add to the list?

Treck had this to add:

Ron stood In the Great Hall.

I'll Show my Mione how to get this done. Ron thought as he pulled his wand.

Voldemort, Voldemort, Voldem... FOOD!

Ron was never seen again.

Jacee added:

Came up with another one...

Filius Flitwick and Minerva McGonagle were having the times of their  
lifes. They were in the middle of the Thames on a boat. Minerva had  
just succeeded in conjuring one metric ton of Metallic Sodium, shaped  
like a ring around the boat they were standing on. Filius had  
levitated it immediately before it touched the water. "VOLDEMORT!  
VOLDEMORT! VOLDEMORT!" They apparated away as the Death Eaters  
apparated onto the boat. The massive ring of sodium dropped...

For a bit of information on what happened next, try this link:  
www. powerlabs. org/chemlabs/sodium. htm and then multiply by a  
monstrous amount. A/N: take the spaces out of the above link, since FFN doesn't seem to like them.

SlickRCBD added:

Hermione Granger sipped the polyjuice potion and transformed into  
Narcissa Malfoy. She then apparated to the middle of an SAS base. When  
the startled soldiers looked at her, she stated "I am a herald. Throw  
down your weapons and submit to your rightful king, Lord Voldemort.  
Voldemort is the rightful king of Britain and will overthrow that  
false Queen. Bow to Voldermort's will. Remember the name. VOLDEMORT.  
VOLDEMORT. VODLEMORT". She then apparated away before they could  
recover from their shock.

KafkaExMachina added:

Harry grinned under his invisibility cloak as he transfigured the  
entire beach into caustic lye and summoned up a swirling breeze.  
"Valdemort, Voldemort, Voldemort!" He waited until fifteen seconds  
after the last crack of apparition before incanting "Aguamenti!"

Meteoric Shipyards added:

Arthur Weasley sat in the muggle car and sorrowfully rubbed the  
steering wheel. He could tell that this had once been a much nicer  
car than his, but was now nothing more than a wreck. He considered  
the magic that it would take to fix up, and sighed again. Not this  
car, unfortunately. This car had a higher calling.

It was time. He patted the car one more time, and said, "Voldemort,  
Voldemort, Voldemort." He briefly thought how upset Molly would be if  
she knew that he wasn't really taking a break and indulging in his  
muggle-item hobby.

Per the rules of the spell that stopped people from apparating into  
solid objects, the interior of the limousine was soon filled with  
Death Eaters.

"This is my stop," Arthur murmured as he disapparated. The Death  
Eaters looked around, confused by the metal walls visible through the  
windows. It suddenly got darker as a large, metal press began to turn  
the once luxury car into a block of metal and plastic about a meter cubed.

Afterwards, the workers at the junk yard wondered what gang used the  
funny symbol on the car crusher. They never found out that it was an  
anti-apparition rune.

Wonderbee31 added:

Harry and Hermione popped onto the side street and carefully stepped  
over the wall and int the middle of the waiting crowd below.

"Do you think they can come this far for us Hermione?" Harry asked  
as he continued to scan the people surrounding him.

"Yes Harry", Hermione answered with an unusual smirk to her  
voice, "There'll be no problems, and the Death Eaters won't know  
what hit them."

All of a sudden the crowd surged forward, and with the notice me not  
charms, around the young couple, leaving them all alone as they head  
a thundering noise.

"Okay Hermione, here we go," Harry yelled as they grasped each  
other's hands, "VOLDEMORT! VOLDEMORT! VOLDEMORT!"

The two of them used their portkey right after, as half a dozen  
Death Eaters apparated in, staring stupidly around at the crowd of  
people telling them to run in Spanish, and then at the wave of bulls  
that were bearing down on them.

Meteoric Shipyards added:

Harry looked up, very nervous. There was a lot of steam up there.  
Alright, it wasn't steam, which didn't make him feel any better.

"You sure you have the timing right?"

"That is one thing we don't have to worry about. Just listen!"

Harry had no trouble hearing the amplified voice count out numbers.

"10...9...8...7.."

"Voldemort, Voldemort, Voldemort!" she yelled, apparating at the same  
time. They appeared in the RV that they had rented.

The amplified voice continued, "4..3..Main engine start, trottling up  
to 106 percent. The space shuttle has lifted off."

About five second earlier, a group of Death Eaters were in the exhaust  
tunnel under the launch pad where the 6000 degree F exhaust was  
channeled away from the space truck.

"Wow! You'll never convince me that muggles are inferior!" Harry  
said, watching the almost 200 foot long space plane streaking through  
the sky, leaving a trail of white smoke behind.

"No argument here," Hermione said, never taking her eyes off the same  
sight.

Tom A.  
I want to be an astronaut

SlickRCBD added:

Dennis Creevy stood on the narrow catwalk looking down at the conveyer  
belt feeding old tires into an industrial strength shredder. He  
smirks, and shouts "VOLDEMORT! VOLDEMORT! VOLDEMORT!". After a few  
seconds, the Death Eaters appparate in front of him, and promptly fall  
into the shredder which tears them apart.

Ed Becerra added:

The decrepit old thief and con man stood in the garage, uneasily eying  
the old muggle car, which somehow seemed to be eying him back. He  
shrugged.

"Voldemort, Voldemort, Voldemort!" and Mundugus Fletcher vanished just  
as the Death Eaters appeared.

Voldemort's followers milled about uncertainly for a moment, until one  
of them cast a Reducto at the walls in anger.

Then the 1958 Plymouth Fury expressed its displeasure with their  
presence.

Wonderbee31 added:

Harry and Hermione materialized at the edge of a sidewalk, the  
rivulets of water showing that a rainstorm had just recently  
finished.

"Hermione, are you sure this will work?"

"Of course Harry," the bushy-haired brainiac said with a small  
sniff, "I've been studying areas of the Americas where strange things  
occur, and this should be perfect for the Death Eaters, unless you  
think we should just stun them?"

After hearing Harry's weak objections for a moment, Hermione shut him  
up with a scorching kiss, with the promise of more, before she turned  
and tilted her head, listening for a moment. When she was satisfied  
that she'd gotten attention brought to herself, she and Harry turned  
and apparated out, just as they both yelled, "VOLEDMORT, VOLDEMORT,  
VOLDEMORT!"

A squad of six Death Eaters led by Bellatrix Lestrange herself popped  
in right after they duo had left, and stared around confusedly,  
before a noise from the sewer grate caught Bellatrix's attention.

"Hello there, pretty lady," a cheerful voice came, and Bella bent  
over, only to jump back, as a clown appeared in the grate, holding a  
bright red balloon "Wouldn't you like a balloon pretty lady? They  
float so nicely, yes, they all float down here, and you will too."

"David" added:

Harry grinned as he reached out with the bucket of bloody meat.

He'd managed to get permission to feed the Piranha in the local  
aquarium for the public display.

A second before releasing the first of chunks he spoke.

"Voldemort, voldemort, voldemort," and then grinned even wider as the  
chaos began and the fish had their meal

Brad Coleman added:

Why use something that has a chance of withstanding a shark  
attack... Have Remus go out in a small rowboat.

Just before he calls Voldies name out, he pulls out the bung,  
and spreads the last bucket of chum around the inside of the  
rowboat. Imagine the DE's horror if they manage to get into  
the rowboat without tipping it over and get themselves coated  
in chum, just before the rowboat sinks beneath the surface.

Regards Brad

Anthony Ellwood added:

Harry sat on crate on the lower deck of the aircraft carrier looking at his  
pocket watch as the minutes ticked away. In the distance he could hear a  
siren begin to wail and a voice begin to count down

10  
Voldemort  
9  
8  
Voldemort  
7  
6  
Voldemort  
5  
4  
3  
Harry quickly stood and gave the fingers to the arriving death eater squad  
before portkeying away with his pocket watch portkey  
2  
1

The Death eater squad could only watch in horror as 500 pounds (230kg) of C4  
detonated around them sinking the carrier, which was to become an artificial  
reef, dragging them all to a watery grave.

Callum Wallace added:

"What are we doing, Hermione? What are the green box thingies  
with 'Face towards enemy' written on them? Why are you so adamant  
about stringing the little shiny metal bits to that tarp in that big  
hole we dug?"

"Okay, we're done." Hermione said, failing to answer.

"Done?" Harry bemusedly asked.

Hermione nodded. Then she bull-rushed him into the pit. The tarp  
held up for a moment, then fell with a chorus of KA-CHINGG noises.

"WUFF!" Harry complained as he landed with a Hermione on top of him  
on the old matress Hermione had flung into the concrete-lined pit.

"VOLDEMORT VOLDEMORT VOLDEMORT VOLDEMORT!" Hermione screamed at the  
top of her lungs, keeping him pinned down.

"Hey! What the-"

The cracks of apparations sounded from outside the pit.

Then the Claymore mines they'd spent all day seeding the area whith  
started going off. The noise was incredible. Showers of blood and  
body fragments flew over the pit, which Harry had abruptly (and  
accurately) identified as a fox-hole in the military sense.

Silence.

"Hermione, what the Hell?" Harry asked.

Hermione grinned and pulled on a rope with all her might; there was  
another chorus of KA-CHINGGs.

"I thought I'd demonstrate how to fight Voldemort the muggle way."  
she said.

More apparations. Another bone-shaking chorus of explosions.

"Right, that's all the Claymores." Hermione said, wiping the specks  
of blood off her face with her sleeve. "Let's get out of here."

She grabbed him and Apparated, telling herself that going to all the  
effort of sneaking off to a military ordinace depot with Harry's  
invisibility cloak and the biggest Bag of Holding she could find had  
definitely been worth it. And not just because of the big explosions  
and dead Death Eaters - getting a valid excuse to glomp Harry was a  
prize in and of itself.

... land mines.

Tommy King added:

How about this one,

Harry, hidden under his invisibility cloak looked round the stadium, the cars  
taking part in the Demolition Derby were all facing the arena fence, ready to  
reverse toward the centre when the starter's gun was fired. He looked over in  
the direction of the starter and used Legilimency to calculate the correct  
moment, he saw the starter's finger tense on the trigger of his pistol.

"Voldemort, Voldemort, Voldemort." he shouted as the gun was fired.

Seven Death Eaters were introduced to motorsport at it's messiest.

Mosheim added:

Coleen Creevey stood in the middle of a cross-dressing bar. He  
looked around, liked what he saw, and said: "voldemort, Vldemort,  
Voldemort!"

"Bless ya," said one of the guys wearing dresses.

"Thanks," Coleen answered, walked out if the place, wiped his face,  
and beacme Colin again.

A few minutes later, Lucius Malfoy, in his beast black dress robes,  
found new company...

Dan of Aztlan added:

In Australia:  
Harry looked at Hermione and asked for the fifth time, "You're sure  
this bloke is all here, right?" he said, pointing his wand to his temple.

"Crikey! Did you see how wide this beauty can open her mouth?" The  
Australian exclaimed, tossing another crocodile into the pound.

"... sure Harry, only professionals are allowed to handle," she winced  
at her choice of word, "animals as dangerous as these."

Harry only gave her a long look before checking the invisibility  
charms were set over the protective cage in the middle of the island.  
They finished setting protective charms on the concrete walls and  
other anti AK protections they could think of.

The blond Australian finished with the last crocodile and joined the  
british teens. "Are you sure those fellow eaters will come all the way  
from the isles?"

Harry and Hermione took a moment to remember just how deadly a  
kangaroo really was despite their cute exterior. They had never seen  
so much blood before...

"Yes, mister Irwin, the taboo can trace us all the way here."

"Alright then, let's get this going!" the man jumped into the lowered  
floor in the cage and got ready to look the mayhem.

Harry and Hermione wondered again what kind of adult muggle would  
accept magic that easily and even help them with a potential suicide  
mission.

Then again, they had seen him jump and hug crocodile all day long...

Shrugging their doubts, they jumped into the cage, locked it, made  
sure the charms and wards were working, and shouted.

"Voldermort, Voldemort, Voldemort!"

The cracks of apparitions startled the three dozens of crocodiles for  
a moment before the amphibians remembered something "it moves. Food!"

"Oh wow, look at that! That beauty is going to roll now, breaking that  
fella's limbs and them proceed to rip his food. Oh, that's a classic  
feeding method of the crocodiles, now more crocodiles will grab a limb  
each and then pull until each one gets a piece of food. Ah, look at  
that, she's going to pull him underwater until he stops struggling."

Hermione never had looked greener before, so Harry put a comforting  
hand on her lower back, drawing small circles to comfort his bushy  
haired friend.

"Don't worry Hermione, it'll be over soon. It's for the greater good."

Grandeparadox added:

"Houston this is a beautiful weather for a space walk the weather up  
here is nice and sunny, we are currently floating over Britain, I  
think I see my girlfriend sunning herself down there."

"garbled radio transmission"

"Roger that Houston, that display is showing something weird, I think  
its some french. Voldemort Voldemort Voldemort, think that means  
flight from death"

"garbled radio transmission"

"whoa Houston, uhh your not going to believe what just happened, there  
suddenly appeared six humanoid figures floating in space they are NOT  
wearing space suits"

Mosheim added:

"Gentelman, Today, the 11th of June, 1998, we are marking fifty  
years of space the space program, since the monkey Albert Bernstein  
has been launched into orbit. Alas, Albert came short, topping at  
thirty nine miles. Also, poor Albert has never returned, suffocating  
to death during his daring atttempt to reach the stars.

"Albert has been an inspiration to us all.

"A year from three days ahead, we will be celebrating the jubelee of  
the second V2 mission, in which Albert II became the first monkey in  
space - and live long enough to return to the Earth.

"Alas, the V2 being designed as a weapon with the purpose of hitting  
it's target, Albert II too died upon impact.

"Nevertheless, to celebrate this day, we attempted to recreate the  
first monkeyed-missions to pace, and with tender care, we lovingly  
built ourself a brand new V2 missile flying NASA's colours. We will  
launch it to space with a monkey, Albert V, inside, and watch as it  
breaches the Karman line and goes on out of the atmosphere!

"Of course, civillization having somewhat advanced since the 1940's,  
we wouldn't sent a live monkey to his death, thus we built a very,  
very expensive robot to perfectly mimic and simulate an adult rhesus  
monkey, which we then volunteered to lead this mission.

"Commence to count down...

"Ten,

"Nine,

"Eight...

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Earlier...

"Oh, hey there, Harry," said Arthur. "What do oyu have there?"

"Oh, that," said Harry, "that's a preasent for you, Mr. Weasley!"

"What is it... a monkey?" Arthur was embarresed. Why would Harry  
give him a monkey as a gift? He didn't think Molly would put with it  
either. Then again, she did out up with a rat having the run of her  
house, so maybe... it wouldn't do to offend Harry by refusing his  
gift.

Stoll, his confusion must have showed, because Harry hastened to  
explain.

"It its;'nt just any monkey, Mr. Weasley," Harry said. "It's a  
robot!"

"Oh, that's nice," said Arthur, not havind any idea what it meant.

"You see," Harry continued. "This is not a live animal, it is a  
machine. Built by muggles. What it does is pretend it is a monkey  
and act like it. So... I know you like muggle things, so I thought  
you might enjoy it. It's yours!"

Arthur smiled like his birthday came early. "Oh, Harry... you  
shouldn't have!"

"Think nothing of it, Mr. Weasley," said Harry.

Soon after, Mr Weasley was happily dismenteling a multy-million  
dollars robot of a monkey, which he was never able to fix again - he  
wasn't sure where all the little parts fit together. Well, where any  
of the little parts fit at all, to tell the truth. But it had a nice  
battery in it, so Arthur didn't complain.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Five,

"Four...

Inside the recreatred V2 missile, a rat scurried around, as much as  
being strapped to its place aloud it.

It had several problems to contend with.

For one, why did its body become that of a rhesus monkey?

For another, why did it have the words "Albert V 3/4" scribed on its  
fur?

Also, why did the world shake so violently?

And where could it get cheese?

A moment later, it's troubles mostly forgotten, as the compulsion  
set down.

It squeaked: "Voldemrt Voldemort Voldemort." Not sure what to do  
next, it went back to worrying about the fact it felt like it was  
moving very fast and still accelerating rapidly. And that the floor  
became a wall.

But soon after, it didn't matter anymore, as Crabb and Goyle went on  
to become the fisrt apes to go to space in the British Space Program.

JaCee had a sudden brainstorm the other night and after 6 weeks added this:

Couple of months ago I started a thread on ambushing DE's with the  
Taboo. Just had another on pop in my head.

Remus Lupin was tired, cranky and in pain. He'd just chugged the last  
of that damned potion, and was waiting for his "furry little problem"  
to erupt from behind the mountains to the east.

This valley was gorgeous during the day, with the ruins of Dunnotar  
castle rising hundreds of feet above him. The ghosts were heavy in  
this valley, and they cheered for his plan. They were Old Ghosts,  
from a time the world was uncivilized. They knew injustice and how to  
deal with it. They understood even the chance for freedom was the  
likelyhood of death, and willingly embraced his plan.

Remus could see the creeping shadows cast by the full moon. 100 feet.  
50. 25. 10. Now. "VOLDEMORT! VOLDEMORT! VOLDEMORT!"

Thus came the cry as he walked forward two paces. Into that which he  
dreaded any loved with a ferocity that forced him away from his loved  
ones every twenty eight days. Remus heard the pops of apparition just  
as his own bones finished popping back into the by-now familiar  
alternate sockets.

Remus smiled wolfishly at his new 'playmates,' and stepped back in his  
mind to let Moony take the lead for a bit.

For a look at the valley I'm talking about, try this:

(Search Wikipedia for Dunnotar Castle, since links get iffy at times)


	2. Luna's Grammy

Luna Lovegood stood on the rocky shoreline of the dark lake

Luna Lovegood stood on the rocky shoreline of the dark lake. Castle Urquart was just visible in the dying light of the setting sun.

The water began to boil at the sun slipped beyond the horizon. "Hello Grammy," Luna greeted the strange head that broke the surface.

The beast's head cocked to one side.

"I know I haven't been up to see you in the past few weeks, Grammy. I'm sorry. The Headmaster passed on at the end of last school year and the new one just doesn't seem to want to cooperate. I don't think he'll be in charge of the school for much longer, though."

"Really. I didn't have to give up my Hogsmeade weekend to do this, you know." Luna said crossly. "Neville had asked me to go on a date with him, but I said I had to visit with some relatives, and had to turn him down. I don't know if he believed me, or if he'll ever ask me again. Now, do you wish to know what has been happening in the mortal realm or not?" Luna let out a long sigh.

"No, really, it's all right. Grammy. I know you didn't mean it like that… Do you really think so? Oh, I hope he will. The last time we had detention together, he blushed when I said I was glad he was with me, and that his back was still pretty even with the scars."

"Okay, Last time, I think I had just told you about what happened to Daddy and me, right? All right. Here's what has been happening since." Luna then launched into a startlingly coherent and accurate report of everything that had happened from then until the time she left the Castle that morning. The head was still and attentive as the report was given.

'Now for the hard part,' Luna thought to herself. 'Grammy is nice, but she still has problems with Harry's ancestor.' Luna took a deep breath and said. "Grammy, the Heir of Columba has tasked me with something, and I would very much like my cousins to help. May I ask your children?"

The water boiled along a line extending out over a hundred feet from Luna. "Grammy," Luna pleaded. "I keep trying to tell you. Harry isn't anything like Columba was, and you DID take several of his men. If you like I'll bring Harry here after he deals with his current problem and you can see for yourself. Perhaps that will lift the curse."

The boiling began to subside as the words slowly sank in. 'Grammy' didn't think she had done anything that had warranted what Columba had cursed he with. After all, she HAD given his men back to him. So what if it had been three centuries later. What is time to an immortal?

After the beast had calmed down, Luna explained what she needed. The large head glanced over at a large cave in the cliff face and the area seemed to brighten. The back wall of the cavern began to glow briefly before untold thousands of specks of light seemed to simply come into existence for no reason.

One of the specks came up to Luna and 'Grammy,' bobbed in what was obviously a bow to the head and settled on Luna's shoulder. "Hello, Auntie Celeste," the little girl said, with tears in her eyes. "Will you ask your brothers and sisters to help me?"

Luna stared for a moment at the speck, as if listening to a voice no one else could hear. "I know, Auntie Celeste." Luna sighed. "But perhaps I can see you one last time when I bring Harry after this is over to meet with Grammy."

Luna skipped over in front of the cave mouth, and called out "Voldemort! Voldemort! Voldemort!"

She heard the pops of apparition behind her. "Good evening, Auror Dawlish. Oh, I see you have MacTaggart , Olsen and Krum with you. I hadn't realized Viktor had taken the Mark, yet."

The four were stunned that this strange girl knew who they were without even turning around. From behind the, there was an ear shattering roar and suddenly all of the strange specks of light landed upon the unfortunate Auror and his companions. Suddenly, they found themselves disarmed, floating ten feet off the ground, and moving at a high rate of speed toward a seemingly solid, stone wall. As they were about to impact, they disappeared. Soon, there was no sign they, or the strange lights, had ever been on the rocky shoreline.

Luna looked down at the single remaining speck, just leaving its spot on her shoulder, heading for the cave. "Please tell the family I said 'thank you,' Auntie Celeste. Maybe when I see you next time we can talk more. Daddy sends his love." The speck stopped, came back and landed on Luna's nose, then zipped back for the cave mouth.

Luna turned back to the head of the beast with a smile on her lips and tears in her eyes from the 'kiss' on her nose. "Thank you, Grammy. I must be going before they miss me at school."

Luna turned away from the beast, and skipped up the path. 'Grammy,' also known as the Titania, the Queen of Summer, also known as (since the time of Saint Columba) the Loch Ness Monster, slipped under the still waters as the little girl faded from sight, and seemingly out of existence.

Luna stopped skipping as the lake changed its appearance and a tentacle waved at her. "Hello, Sebastian. Grammy said to tell you hello and say that you should come visit her yourself more often," Luna said as she fed a piece of toast to the Giant Squid.


	3. Hedwig's Attack

This is an addition by Mosheim, also known here as Stealacandy.

There you go. Inspired by meteoricshipyards's latest, here's one for  
you:

After commissioning Fred and George Weasley to spice up the bird food the  
Hogwarts elves fed the school owls, Hedwig settled down in an out-of-the-way  
cubicle, and bid her time. Eventually, she took to the air again, fluttering  
down the tower, and called: "Hoot! Hoot! Hoot!... Berk."

Peter Pettigrew was on Taboo duty that night. He was always a nervous, twitchy  
little man, and all the recent mishaps happening to Taboo team didn't do his  
nerves any good. So, when over a hundred angry birds began dive bombing his  
comrades-in-crime, he instinctively did what he always did in face of danger -  
he transformed into his animagus animal, and scuttled away.

Alas, as he soon found out, being a lonely rat in a house fool of birds of  
prey does not bode well to one's life expectancy. And yes, although most owls  
present were more concerned with cramps in their bellies to be interested in  
an early supper, one, it turned out, was not.

Hedwig barked in satisfaction. Foolish humans - the Weasley twins used to  
get caught in their own pranks so they could deny doing them in the first  
place, but that was a concern she needn't bother with - who would suspect an  
owl, after all?

Editor's note: I completely agree. I hope Tom puts Hedwig & the Goblet of Fire up here real soon. It's an awesome read, and shows everyone's favorite owl at her finest.


End file.
